disappointed.
I'M DISAPPOINTED AND UPSET ABT MY BRAIN.
i'm angry with myself. for having such a brain which cant contain anything. perhaps my studying way is wrong. totally wrong. why am i scolding myself now? the fact is, i flunk all the papers i got back today. was a utter disappointment to miss wong and mdm sem. and truly a great disappointment to myself.
cindy was right. i was only trying to put on a smile to her. actually i'm holding back my tears. i told myself i wont cry easily. i believe i'm not that weak. believing is no use. i'm weak. sorry cindy for giving you a kinda bad attitude. i wasn't me. sorry.
sorry azri for blewing my top, i screamed at u. not my usual self. so sorry.
john said i was just a mortal. a mere mortal. yes, i definately will get tired if i'm really so multi-tasking. yes, i am. i trying to do more. i wanna be stronger. i wanna have a greater capacity. with God, nothing is impossible. i believe i have the capacity. but it depends on how i handle things. even if i dont, He's moulding me. the more i should not fall.
sometimes i do feel lonely. i always wonder...
if i decided to jump off from where i am now, will anyone shed a tear?
if i were to go out and get knocked down, will anyone care?
if i'm just gone the next moment, will i be able to see ppl missing me?
at times i just feel that i'm nth to anyone. why am i feeling this way now? all this should be out of my mind and i should be concentrating on my studies now. but why? i really dont know. i felt so unaccepted. i felt so unloved at times. i'm restricting myself to some 'forbidden' things in life, now.
i just hope to pass my o lvls. get into the course i want. that's all. enough. maybe i'm imposing stress on myself? i kept saying no. but i felt so. i think so.
^*^ i'm just unhappy. anyone can cheer me up? ^*^
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